<< ERROR………>> << COMM/SEC INTERRUPT // // UNAUTH SIGNAL >> < SIGNAL FOUND > < START TRANSMISSION > The signal is live, so prepare to be boarded. Jester is blowin’ the hatch and blastin’ anything that moves with some burning hot BOotyCall to the skull.
I gotta admit, 2947 has been off to a rough start. Really taking my rucksack through the wringer. Bit embarrassing really, but if I can’t shake out my unmentionables on my own transmission what’s even the point? Okay, here it goes — it turns out your wily friend Jester got himself a bounty on his head.
It’d be one thing if it was for one of my decent jobs. You know, one of the scores I’m always jaggin’ on about here. But the damn thing is, I was fingered for an overdue landing fee that I skipped on two years ago. Turns out I accidentally used an old alias in Asura that I had meant to burn. Now, I’m not new at this, so luckily I had all my alerts primed. As soon as the flag popped up the sec-channel, I immediately dropped the face, but by then it was too late. The doggerel had the scent.
This intrepid Bounty Hunter stayed on my tail for about three weeks. Everywhere I turned, boom there was that bastard’s Avenger looming large. Couldn’t even celebrate Traveler’s Day proper. I jumped four systems and still wasn’t able to dislodge the little clinger. Hell if I know why the bastard was so determined. It was a pretty big landing fee but still, the reward for the pinch was barely worth the fuel burn. I figure it must have been an eager upstart trying to earn some rep.
Finally lost the trail two days ago thanks to a quick sell of the falsie to a couple kids who were in the market for an ID. Normally I would never sell a tainted reg, but these little pissants had cost me a job a month or two back when they botched a simple lift. Figured I could take care of two birds with the same bullet.
Speaking of those kids, can you believe they had the gall to take on the NovaRider mantle? Where do they get off? We’re talking a bunch of mints who barely had the wits to put on a flight suit between them and they think they’re worthy to be called NovaRiders? I guess that’s what you get when a generation learns about being a pirate from playing a sim. Discredit to the name.
Though to be fair the name was already discredited as soon as it showed up in Arena Commander. Can you believe those Original Systems codewads stole the proud outlaw tradition for personal profit and gain? Which, now that I’m saying it out loud, does sound like a thing an outlaw would do, but still, the principle, you know?
I think it’s been at least twenty years now since the last time there was an actual legit NovaRider gang striking fear into the hearts of the mild mannered. Those Riders were the real deal and more. They’d sweep in screaming thrash music on all frequencies, so when the poor marks went to comm for help all they would hear is D-Struct singing her head off. You know some Senator at the time actually tried to get playing her music banned for a bit? Nothing makes for a sold-out concert tour like some button-down telling everyone that your sound is ‘too dangerous.’
And then there were the scummers who were plundering under the NovaRider banner before them. Real low of the low. Now, those Riders were known for only hitting cruisers. They would always have one of their own traveling aboard incognito with the rest of the passengers, and then halfway through the flight, their friends would show up knocking outside and they’d be kind enough to open the door. Best part was they always left everyone aboard naked. Figured it bought them a few extra minutes since the advos would usually stop to gawp a bit at all the tasty.
You know, doing all this reminiscing, I’m realizing now that some of you smooth cheeked sorts might think NovaRiders actually came from AC first, which if you ask me is a tragedy of Vega proportions. Guess it’s up to me to educate the masses. Gather around, kiddos, for your outlaw history lesson of the week.
The truth is that the NovaRiders were the first gang to ever fly the black. See, long ago, a ship cost so many creds that — actually I guess it would have been CTRs … or were they still on dollars back then? Doesn’t matter. Point is, they were so expensive that only corps and bougebags could afford ’em and so all the hitters would operate out of stations and ports. Ship would land looking to unload, some friendly folks in masks would be waiting with guns to greet them and that would be that. Until the NovaRiders changed everything.
See, the Riders were the first outlaws to ever hit a spaceship mid-flight. Blew everyone’s minds right out the top of their hats when it happened. Can you image the look on that first pilot’s face? There they are flying around thinking they’re safe when out of nowhere a ship full of nasties drops in and takes ’em for all they’re worth.
I’ll tell you one thing, bet it was a hell of a lot easier to earn back then. Not like now when every slowboat out there’s packing trip-repeats and enough missiles to crack a planet. Of course I say that, but on the bright side, at least I have other outlaws to distract the officials when I’m in trouble. The NovaRiders didn’t wind up lasting very long. After pulling a handful of jobs and freaking the hell out of the people in charge, in swoops the military eager to make everyone feel good about themselves again. Hard cut, no more NovaRiders. At least for a few years.
Wasn’t long before another group used the name. Sort of became a tradition. Every few years a new group would take it upon themselves to carry on. There’s been at least —
[ Proximity Alert ]
… No way in hell … What is with this guy!? Damn it.
[ Engines Starting ]
I swear if I find out those rotten NovaRider punks ratted me, next thing I sell ’em will be a bullet to the brain.
BOotyCall out!